The Queen's Meme 3 ~ The Cooking Meme (What Is The Meaning of Thyme and Other Deep Questions)

To avoid getting thrown into a dungeon, here's my answers to this week's Queen's Meme

1. If you could put thyme in a bottle, what is the first thing that you'd like to do?

I realise that this question is an hilarious pun on a Jim Croce song (my favourite version of the song being by The Muppets incidentally) but it sort of falls down in the respect that as far as I can ascertain it's totally possible to put thyme in a bottle. Anyway, the first thing I'd like to do is come up with a witty answer to this question, but that's clearly nowhere near as possible.

2. Do eggs really crack or do they merely have a nervous breakdown?

I don't think eggs have yet developed such mental capabilities to able to nervously break down - that's way down the road at the chicken stage, though clearly you can philosophically argue about which comes first.

3. Why are you whipping the butter? What did it ever do to you?

I've never whipped butter. What kind of weird sick thing is that to do? I'd never do anything to butter that would lend itself to smutty innuendo, I just spread it then eat it.

4. Do your spoons spoon in the drawer? Have you ever noticed? And more importantly, if wooden spoons spoon do they get splinters?

Sure they spoon, but that's way more romantic than what the forks are getting up to. Sadly I only possess one wooden spoon, all on its lonesome, so I cannot answer your second question.

5. You hear: "Dumpling, my Dumpling, come hither." The candles are lit, the fondue is dipping, the Godiva is pouring, the scallions are steaming and the music is playing.....but wait, the windows are open.
Why did you close them?

So that the candles wouldn't blow out, plus I wouldn't want the fondue to go cold. More importantly, why did you open them?

6. Do you need a recipe to cook or are you a bohemian chef? Show us your reckless and wild side in the kitchen. Don't have one? Here's a recipe I made just for you: You will need a spatula, a whisk, a gallon of Chardonnay, a banana and a rump roast. What is the name of your dish?

I need a recipe to cook, ideally an incredibly simple one consisting of one or fewer ingredients. Clearly your recipe is far too complex for me, so I'll just drink the Chardonnay, and then cook a banana (I'd cook the rump roast as afters, but it'll take some time, and then the Chardonnay will have taken effect, so I'll be woken up by the pinging of the oven's clock in many hours time and the rump will have been roasted to a cinder; trust me, I've had something similar happen to me in the past with a Balti).

7. After dinner, the dishes are so dirty that the dishwasher refuses to wash them.
What did they say to get in hot water?

Well, at home, I am the dishwasher, so they probably didn't say anything; I'm just being lazy.

8. Is your pot black?

Yes. If it wasn't then it would just heckle the kettle even more.

9. What is the sexiest spice or condiment in your cabinet? What makes it so?

Not that I have any spices or condiments (I fear you're mistaking me for a cook) but that'd be Rosemary, since love grows where my Rosemary grows (hope that people get the song reference, otherwise I'll just look like I'm spouting rubbish here).

10. How much crock is really in your crock pot?

I don't know what a crock pot is, to be honest, or crock (the only two things I know of that come in crocks are poles apart). I'm guessing there's at most a pot's worth, otherwise it would overflow.