Thursday, 29 January 2009

Thursday Thirteen

Header from samulli

Thirteen examples of Muppet deception:

1. "Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side?" sings Kermit in The Muppet Movie. In actual fact, I can only think of' three: Somewhere Over The Rainbow, the Rainbow Connection song itself, and A Kiss At The End Of The Rainbow (which Kermit couldn't have been referring to since it came along way after The Muppet Movie). Maybe a better question to have asked would be Why are there so few songs about rainbows, and why do they all get Oscar-nominated?

2. Who amongst us hasn't ventured to Sweden and, following failed attempts to engage in conversation with the locals and failed, just assumed that nobody there knows the language. But no, the startling truth is that the Swedish Chef isn't actually speaking Swedish but just some crazy made-up language. Also, not all of his recipes bear close scrutiny.

3. Vampires are evil bloodthirsty creatures of the night, and if they should laugh it's not because they've just counted to three.
4. All dog owners should be wary of the example set by Rowlf. While it might be quite possible for dogs to play the piano (although their repertoires tend to err on the highly-experimental side), they should on no account be given a mask and asked to do open-heart surgery.

5. It is easy being green. Recycling has never been easier.

6. Kermit's nephew, Robin, trots out some A A Milne propaganda, says that halfway down the stairs is the stair that he sits, and that there isn't any other stair quite like it. Now, unless you're an obsessive stair-counter the adjacent stairs are exactly like it. Also, why does he always stop there - he should be stopping at the top or the bottom. Has no one taught him the concept of stairs?

7. Rubber duckies don't make the bathtime lots of fun. You get bored with them after twenty minutes.

8. Despite what Sesame Street teaches you, kids really should try and avoid talking to anyone who lives in the local trashcan.

9. Despite the strange appearances of Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker, surveys have shown that a good five percent of scientists are normal looking.

10. There is a school of thought that suggests the Muppets are just puppets. If this is the case then there is now way they could have ever been two-dimensional babies.

11. The Cookie Monster alleges that nobody loves cookies as much as he. I beg to differ.

12. Despite the example of Marvin Suggs and his Muppaphone, creating music by beating fluffy sentient creatures on the head is still frowned upon by society (as it was by my flat-headed childhood pets).

13. Bert seems like a nice guy, but a quick browse of the internet reveals that he is in fact evil.


Janet said...

I love that Samulli header! And I loved #3 :-)

The Bumbles said...

I should have listed The Muppet Movie on our Musicals list on the Monday Movie Meme.

And my recollection of the Sweedish Chef was that he sang a little tune that went something like this..."Eng bong schveere di doom da dickta doom - een bong bong scverdee da doom - bork bork bork!"

An Eerie Tapestry said...

Thanks, Janet (and thanks, Samulli, for that matter). Also thanks to The Bumbles for a pretty accurate reconstruction of the Swedish Chef's tune (I'm sure there must be a YouTube clip somewhere that I should have linked to).

Nicholas said...

I love that list, and I have never even seen Sesame Street!

An Eerie Tapestry said...

Thanks, Nicholas. Stunned that you've never watched Sesame Street, which means you'll no doubt be one of the few confused by my next sentence.

Anyway, many thanks for visiting my T13, which was brought to you by the letter T and the number 13.

A Blog In The Rough said...

Very cute and yes I was just wondering that myself, there really aren't many songs about rainbows. Maybe there are in his muppet land.

mielikki said...

This is an Excellent Thursday 13! I have always maintained that Bert is, in fact, an evil evil muppet. I think he abuses Ernie.
I do love me some Swedish Chef though, remember the cerial that bore his name?

becky68 said...

Only 5 % of scientists look "normal" ? Wow that high a percentage! I'm impressed.
Thank you for stopping by my blog yesterday

An Eerie Tapestry said...

Interesting theory, Blog In The Rough. Maybe that's where all the rainbow songs are, or maybe mielikki is right about Bert and he's so evil that's he stolen all the rainbow songs and erased them from our minds.

Anyway thanks, mielikki, for the kind words, and I'm feeling sorry for Ernie now and really hope your suspicions aren't correct. As for the cereal that bore the Swedish Chef's name, no, I don't remember it - I'm guessing it never made it to the UK, since it does sound like the kind of thing I would remember.

An Eerie Tapestry said...

Thanks, becky68. You've got to remember that the computers used to correlate those survey results were designed by scientists, so I wouldn't trust those statistics too closely. Also those 5% of scientists might just be wearing high-tech normal people disguises in an effort to blend in.