Tuesday, 30 March 2010

The Queen's Meme #31 ~ The What Not Meme

To avoid getting thrown into a dungeon, here's my answers to this week's Queen's Meme

It’s apparently my turn to be the expert, by answering what NOT to do in the following situations:

What NOT To Do when you’re.....

1. On a first date

Don't take them cow tipping.

2. Intoxicated

Don't do anything, especially anything that seems like a good idea at the time.

3. In the shower

Singing may be okay, but don't dance.

4. At your ex’s wedding

Don't do a mime of being hung by a noose while their new spouse is saying 'I do'.

5. In jail

Don't roll three doubles or you'll have to go straight back there.

6. being stalked

Don't exchange phone numbers with your stalker.

7. Stuck to an igloo

Don't annoy the eskimos.

8. In sewing class

Don't play darts with the needles.

9. Asleep in a helium balloon

Don't spontaneously combust.

10. At a birthday party for twins

Don't give each one half the birthday gift.

11. On a nude beach

Don't fall asleep sunbathing.

12. At the opera

It's an easy mistake, but don't start a chant of "Oprah! Oprah! Oprah!" while you're waiting for the show to start. Also, the old saying's not always right, so don't go home just because the fat lady starts singing.

13. you’re falling in love

It's okay writing her name in the snow, but not if it's in yellow and with someone else's handwriting.

14. Low on gasoline in a bad part of town

Don't look at the level indicator.

15. Having a baby

Though doctors love practical jokes, resist the urge to hide three springy snakes in there to pop out at an opportune moment.

16. On fire

Don't panic.

17. Lost at the mall

Don't try and follow the maps they have there. The longer you're stuck in the mall, the more money you might spend, so all the maps there are designed to make you get more lost. Would I lie to you?

18. At a single’s dance

Don't dance. That's just what they're expecting you to do.

19. Riding a bike on the Jersey Turnpike

Don't crash.

20. Driving your significant other's car

Don't crash. Also don't adjust the driver seat or change the radio channel (if you do, then crash the car to cover up this heinous misdemeanour).

21. Being robbed at gunpoint

Don't ask the robber if it's a real gun?

22. Kissing

Don't stop.

23. Paying the hotel cashier

Don't pay in magic beans.

24. Buying lingerie

Don't get the wrong size or wrong colour or wrong design or even shop for it alone in the first place.

24. Commenting on a blog

Don't point out if the blogger's mistakenly used the same number for two questions.

25. In Queen Mimi's dungeon

Don't redecorate it.

Monday, 29 March 2010

Microfiction Monday

It's Microfiction Monday over at Stony River's blog. Basically participants need to write a "microfiction" story or some other type of writing, consisting of 140 characters on a picture that's being presented.

So here's today's picture and my accompanying microfiction:

"Wait! I'm your guardian angel."

"Want to show me how much difference I make?"

"No, just letting you know you've made the right decision."

Sunday, 28 March 2010

Sunday Stealing: The 35 Questions X 2 Meme: Part One

You can play here.

1. How far away is the last person you kissed?

Around three and a half thousand miles.

2. Has someone ever told you they would be with you forever?

I've had somebody tell me that they wanted to be with me forever, and I really hope they get their wish.

3. Last person you were in a car with?

My brother-in-law, who was giving me a lift home.

4. Any plans for tomorrow?

Just going to work.

5. How long does it take for you to take a shower?

I've never timed myself. Not that long.

6. Best friend or close friends?

What, I have to choose between them? Can't I have both?

7. Is tomorrow going to be a good day?

No, it's a Monday.

8. Did you kiss anyone friday?

Only e-kisses.

9. Ever thrown up in public?

When I was a kid I threw up in a taxi on the way back from a holiday camp.

10. What's on your mind RIGHT NOW?

Answering this question.

11. Who was the last person you talked to?

My mum.

12. What is the WORST subject they teach at school?

There were subjects I wasn't that interested in, but not sure if there was a worst one.

13. Have you seen anyone lately that you don't get along with?


14. What is your favourite colour top to wear?


15. Have you ever been in a car accident?


16. What's the closest thing to you that's green?

There's a green carrier bag near me.

17. Where would you like to be right now?


18. Write down some lyrics to the song you're listening to?

I'm not listening to a song. The last song I remember listening to was Flight of the Conchords' Rambling Through The Avenues Of Time, which has lyrics like "We waltzed down a moonlit boulevard, Just two silhouettes in the mist, oh yes, Days went by and years went by, Moments went by when we kissed."

19. How many dogs do you have?


20. Is anything bugging you right now?


21. Is life going right for you now?

Yes, definitely, though I wish I could be with my girlfriend more often.

22. Is there someone you care about more than yourself?

Yes, there's somone I care about more than anything.

23. What made you laugh today?

Not sure I've laughed today, but I've not been up long.

24. What was the last movie you watched?

Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland.

25. Whats the last conversation you had about?

It was with my mum discussing how long I was having off work for Easter.

26. What were you doing at 7:00 this morning?

Sleeping (the clock's went forward an hour in the UK this weekend, so it would have felt more like 6:00 this morning if I had been awake). I'd be surprised if I'd ever done anything at 7:00 in the morning on a Sunday before besides sleeping.

27. Do you like your hair long or short?

I prefer it long, but my follicles are starting to have other ideas.

28. Do you want to see somebody right now?

Yes, my girlfriend.

29. Do you like the rain?

I love the rain - it washes memories off the sidewalk of life.

30. Did you have a valentine this year?


31. The last person you kissed needs you at 3 am, would you go?

Unfortunately the three and a half thousand miles and the travel arrangements required makes it a tad impractical. If it was practical, then yes, of course.

32. Would you honestly say you'd risk your life for someone else?

No, it's hard to know what I'd do in that situation so I couldn't say it honestly, though I could honestly say I'd risk someone else's life for mine.

33. Honestly, if you could go back 1 month and change something would you?

Yes, the lottery numbers I chose.

34. How do you feel about boys smoking?

It'd be better for their health and those around them if they didn't, but I'm fairly apathetic about it as long as the smoking is their choice and not because they're on fire.

35. Could you see yourself with someone forever?

Yes, longer even.

Monday, 15 March 2010

Microfiction Monday

It's Microfiction Monday over at Stony River's blog. Basically participants need to write a "microfiction" story or some other type of writing, consisting of 140 characters on a picture that's being presented.

So here's today's picture and my accompanying microfiction:

"How do we escape?" asked the prince who'd been turned into a chair.

"You could make a raft!"

"But there's no wood."

The little girl smiled.

Sunday, 14 March 2010

Sunday Stealing: Judd's Merged Meme

You can play here.

1. What were doing 10 years ago?

Living in the same flat I'm in now, doing the same computer programming job I am now, writing the software that I'm still supporting now. I had a PC but wasn't on the internet then, so I probably spent a lot more time playing computer games, reading and watching TV and movies.

2. Five snacks that you enjoy in a perfect, non weight-gaining world

Quavers (cheese flavoured crisps), beef and tomato Pot Noodle, peanut brittle, chocolate eclairs (the sweets, not the confectionery), lemon bon bons.

3. Five things you would do if you were a billionaire:

Stop working, move to Delaware, buy a really big television, hire a staff of writers to come up with my meme answers, carry on doing whatever it was I did to become a billionaire.

4. Three of your habits:

Procrastination, playing Scrabble Zing, sleeping

5. Five jobs that you've have had:

I've only ever had one.

6. Five places that you've lived:

The womb, Fleetwood, Blackpool, Morecambe, Manchester.

7. Five things that you did yesterday:

Woke up, got out of bed

Went to Blackpool and bought some stuff for Mother's Day

Played on the Wii; won a Pokemon battle, lost another, failed spectularly at a racing game

Chatted to my girlfriend through the wonder of the internet

Had a look at the Sunday Stealing questions and figured they could wait till Sunday

8. Five people you would want to get to know more about:

Victor Fleming (film director - Gone With The Wind and Wizard of Oz)
Robert Butler (TV director - first episodes of Star Trek, Batman, Hill Street Blues, Moonlighting, Lois and Clark)
Steven Wright (the US comedian rather than the UK disc jockey)
Jim Steinman (non-prolific songwriter of Bat Out Of Hell and other things)
My girlfriend (who's an endless fountain of stories)

9. Abortion: for or against it?

I don't think it should be compulsory, but I think the woman should have the right to choose.

10. Do you think the world would fail with a female president?

I think it'd be just as likely to fail as with a male president.

11. Do you believe in the death penalty?

I believe it still exists in some places, yes, though I tend to be pro-life here and don't believe with the two wrongs make a right, eye for an eye philosophy of it; especially since people can be wrongly convicted of crimes they didn't commit (or so the A-Team taught me).

12. Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?

I'm in no rush for it personally.

13. Are you for or against premarital sex?

For it, and for postmarital sex too. It's just that in-between bit, during the actual wedding ceremony, where I think it might be ill-advised.

14. Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?


15. Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?

I don't have any real knowledge of such things, but I'll say yes since doing things illegally tends to be wrong.

16. Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?

No, I remember the devastating effect alcohol had on Barney Gumble's academic career.

17. Should the war in Iraq be called off?


18. Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?

No, it should be the suicidee's choice.

19. Do you believe in spanking your children?

No, I don't believe in it, though even if I did my lack of children would prevent such an occurrence.

20. Do you worry that others will judge you from reading some of your answers?

No, I worry more that reading them might cause them to fall asleep at the wheel of their bus and put their passengers' lives in peril.

Monday, 8 March 2010

Microfiction Monday

It's Microfiction Monday over at Stony River's blog. Basically participants need to write a "microfiction" story or some other type of writing, consisting of 140 characters on a picture that's being presented.

So here's today's picture and my accompanying microfiction:

She looked into his eyes. "One day people will write stories about our love."

"Very short ones," he replied, as the piranha were let loose.

Sunday, 7 March 2010

Sunday Stealing: Another Meme About Me

You can play here.

1. Are you currently in a serious relationship?


2. What was your dream growing up?

When I was really young I wanted to be an astronaut. After that, I didn't really have a clue what I wanted to do.

3. What talent do you wish you had?

I wish I was good at art.

4. If I bought you a drink, what would it be?

Lager and lime.

5. What was the last book you read?

If by read you mean finished, it was "Guess How Much I Love You" by Sam McBratney (a cool Valentine's Day gift from my girlfriend).

6. What zodiac sign are you?


7. Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.


8. Worst habit?


9. What is your favorite sport?

Air hockey.

10. Do you have a pessimistic or optimistic attitude?


11. Worst thing to ever happen to you?

Nothing springs to mind.

12. Tell me one weird fact about you.

I'm so lazy that I copied most of these answers from an old Sunday Stealing, but not this one.

13. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

I think they're scarier than scary.

14. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

I'm wary of changing anything; the phrase 'gilding a lily' springs to mind.

15. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

Your conscience.

16. Ever been arrested?

No, but I was nearly arrested once when the police turned up at four in the morning because the guy they were actually looking for had the same name as me.

17. If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?

Put it in the bank.

18. What's your favorite place to hang out at?

Wherever my girlfriend is.

19. Do you believe in ghosts?


20. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

Watch television.

21. Do you swear a lot?


22. Biggest pet peeve?

People on public transport who play music or hilarious ringtones on their phones.

23. In one word, how would you describe yourself?


24. Do you believe/appreciate romance?


25. Do you believe in God?


Monday, 1 March 2010

Microfiction Monday

Today I'm once again trying out Microfiction Monday at Stony River's blog. Basically participants need to write a "microfiction" story or some other type of writing, consisting of 140 characters on a picture that's being presented.

So here's today's picture and my accompanying microfiction:

As Simon Cattle kept telling her to take steps back, Buttercup realised her dream of winning A Mooing Cow Idol was rapidly slipping away.